September 2023
#MonthNotes
Hi, welcome to my MonthNotes — reflective notes looking back over the past month, loosely based on a set of questions which help me reflect.
1. What went well?
- Sessions I ran with three of our management teams on team health and/or psychological safety — I got some lovely, unsolicited feedback
- A talk I gave on ‘How to disagree well’ at Agile Cambridge — a friendly, welcoming conference and my first time speaking in-person at a conference for a few years. I really enjoyed it — the room was packed, there was lots of participation/interaction, Ian Ames took notes, I got nice feedback, and I heard lots of ideas & suggestions I’d not thought of:
“When faced with conflict, respond with curiosity.” [I don’t know who said this :(
- My first supervision session as part of my training in Somatic Experiencing — I’ll have at least 17 more supervision sessions over the next two and a half years of my training.
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”
― Lao Tzu
2. What did you fail with?
- I failed to see the sparrowhawk that flew into and out of our living room!…
3. What made you proud?
- Elsevier announced a landmark five-year agreement that will make German research openly accessible worldwide. Getting to point of signing this transformative open access agreement was a long journey that took hard work by a large number of colleagues who, over the last five years, have gone above and beyond.
- Hearing great go-to-market case studies from teams on our group’s global townhall meeting
- Our fab Internal Communications team won the Institute of Internal Communications ‘team of the year’ award, with Sarah, the amazing team leader, also winning their ‘leader of the year’ award
- Reviewing the past year for Cambridge Curiosity & Imagination in our annual general meeting to sign off the charity’s annual report and accounts
4. What was hard?
- Letting go of things and accepting things that may not be great but they’re good enough (albeit different from how I would do them or want them to be) — sometimes it’s the only way to avoid getting sucked into 1001 things, and it’s probably a good lesson for my ego/desire to control things. Also, I rembered that when I get out of the way, other people step up.
- A couple of discussions in teams/boards that I’m in/on.
- Hearing something I’d done be labelled by a colleague as “naive” and reflecting that there might be some truth in that.
5. What did you experiment with?
- So cards — a collection of questions for deeper conversations (HT Bruce Scharlau)
- icebreaker.online — an online tool with beautiful pictures for running icebreakers in virtual meetings that help people to connect:
6. Who or what inspired you?
- Never use alone, a US overdose prevention lifeline service
(HT randy silver) - Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing — I went to his wonderful two-day masterclass in London on ‘Therapeutic Presence, Rhythm, and Connection’:
“Somatic Experiencing isn’t what you do, it’s how you do what you do.” Peter Levine
7. What did you learn?
- Trickle-down anxiety (HT Andrew Huberman): where an under-stress boss displaces their anixety by applying unhelpful pressure to their team, eg by assigning additional busywork, making other people more anxious too
- How Somatic Experiencing can help heal traumatic symptoms from a car accident (eg1, eg2)
- The concept of the dancefloor and the balcony in relation to a meeting / discussion (HT Naomi & Penny):
On the dancefloor, we are involved/engrossed in the conversation itself.
On the balcony, we step outside of the conversation to see how people are doing, what the dynamics are around the conversation, etc.
For example, if someone says something and there is obvious tension with others or a particular reaction of some sort, then from the balcony we might call a pause and be curious and ask what is happening, how are people feeling, shining a light so that we can learn from it. Similarly, if someone thanks someone, we might pause and call attention to what happened, asking how it feels, and highlighting the power of gratitude. It’s a useful and potent concept that helps us to be in the moment and learn from ordinary conversation.
- ‘Uniqueness bias’ is the tendency to exaggerate how different, special, unique we are (HT Joost Minnaar & Emily Webber):
8. What questions drew your attention?
- 7 essential coaching questions (HT Michael Bungay Stanier):
- “What’s on your mind?”
- “And what else?”
- “What’s the real challenge here for you?”
- “What do you (really) want (from me)?”
- “How can I help?”
- “If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?”
- “What was most useful for you?”
- Questions to steer a coaching conversation (HT Phillip Haurer):
- Useful forward-focused feedback questions for coaching (HT Laura Royal):
- These great team-building questions to help build trust & connection, and 3 other ice-breaker prompts/questions:
- What brings me here is…
- What is most alive for me right now is…
- What is something you would like to share that would be helpful/important for others to know right now? (can be personal or professional)
“Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” Rilke (HT Kelly Boys)
9. What did you get reminded of?
- The importance of psychological safety in the classroom and the value of setting norms (HT Christina Wodtke)
“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor” (HT my colleague Sjoerd)
- The value of a management team discussing Gossip, Rumors, and Lies in order to improve communication
“‘You can’t pour from an empty cup’ and both as a person and a leader, doing things to refill your tank and take care of yourself first is essential to ensuring that you can pour into others’ cups and lead effectively.” Wise words from my colleague Kevonne.
- Jacques Ninio’s wonderful “12 dots” illusion (HT Nick Chater):
10. What poems touched you?
- Fear, by Kahlil Gibran (HT Tom Geraghty)
- The Great Wagon, by Rumi
- Thank you, by Ross Gay (HT Valerie Forstman)
- The Messenger, by Mary Oliver (HT Valerie Forstman)
- A gentle reminder, by Bianca Sparacino (HT Tom Geraghty)
- ‘Finisterre’, by Henry Shukman:
Yes, this is where the land ends.
But every sailor knows,
This is where the journey begins.
The voyage starts here.
11. What books did you read?
- Trauma-proofing your kids, by Peter Levine & Maggie Kleine
- Essays in Zen buddhism, by D. T. Suzuki [review]
12. What was fun?
- Dancing — both out on a Friday evening at the end of a week and at home for the start of the week at 9am on Monday morning
- The Wonder of Wood — the annual Cambridge woodcraft fair
- An unexpected weekend away in the Cotswolds
“When death comes, may it find you alive.” African proverb
13. What did you enjoy?
- A drop of dew on a blade of grass, a rose petal on the table, cyclamen in our lawn
- Connecting with a good friend over breakfast
- Reading about floating
- Seeing a deer whilst soaking in an ofuro
14. What are you looking forward to in October?
- A long weekend in Paris
- The next/second module in my 3-year Somatic Experiencing (SE) training
- Going to the Dreamachine
- A seminar with David Whyte
