Giving ourselves choices
A quick re-framing exercise
This is a simple re-framing exercise that demonstrates the impact of giving ourselves choices and taking responsibility. How you frame something matters.
It’s a quick and simple exercise, which you can do in less than 5 minutes.
I’ve adapted this exercise from one that John Leary-Joyce shares on his website, which I came across when I was exploring Gestalt coaching. Whilst it’s similar to cognitive reframing, which is sometimes used in psychotherapy (eg in CBT), for me the invitation in the exercise to notice feelings and body sensations takes it beyond being a linguistic exercise and makes it more powerful.
Indeed, I found the exercise had a profound impact for me when I did it.
And I guess if you do it, it could have a big impact for you too….
“Change your language and you change your thoughts.” Karl Albrecht
The set up
Think of three tasks/chores/things that you have to do.
For instance:
- I have to go for a run
- I have to drink less alcohol
- I have to put the dishes in the dishwasher
Write these three things down.
Now read them out.
What impact does that have on you? As you read out your three statements, notice what it feels like to have to do these tasks, these chores. Track your body as you read them out. What do you notice in your body? (eg heart? breath? gut? muscle tension?) Make a note.
The re-framing
Now, do something very simple.
Re-frame those three statements: instead of saying “I have to…”, say “I choose to…”
So, in my examples, it would be:
- I choose to go for a run
- I choose to drink less alcohol
- I choose to put the dishes in the dishwasher
Notice, when you change the word from “I have to…” to “I choose to…”, and read them out again.
What impact does the change make on you? How do you feel about the activities now? Follow any changes occuring in your physical sensations. Notice where in your body you sense them. What else do you notice in your body? Make a note for yourself.
Closing
End by focusing on your feet. Sense the solidness of the ground. Feel your weight coming down through your body and meeting the support beneath you.
You can try the exercise when you feel stuck or when you feel really fed up about something.
Pro-Tip
As a was reminded by a friend:
- If you’re thinking of using this exercise or similar as a coach, give context before using it, say that it can be powerful in a very personal way, and ask permission from your coachee.
Further reading:
- Reframing, by John Polemis
- You always have a choice: The power of reframing, by John Hester
- Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results, by Judith E. Glaser: chapter 8 is about reframing, refocussing and redirecting.
